The South Still Exists-- mostly as it was

What is it like to be a young adult female in a small university town in Arkansas? I guess, to be fair, that depends on the girl, and the town. But, for this particular individual, and this particular, it is bizarre. I am used to closed minds, naive church lovers, sexism/racist/anti-WASP ideals . . . but experiencing the surrounding program day to day ceases not to provide me. Students feel entitled and home-town enough to access their email accounts through teacher's computers before class has started, truck drivers enjoy frightening pedestrians on crosswalks and revving their engines ... the cooking staff gets personally offended and oddly cold if you request that they change their gloves to prepare your vegetarian sandwich, because they had just been massaging handfuls of hot chicken and bacon ... one of my gay friends posts on his facebook - " Help me! If I don't get out of this town I will die! I don't want to die! " and actually means it ..
I will admit that some of the faculty are professional, worthwhile, and make the atmosphere redeemable. It's a sleepy town, that shuts down at 9. The parties happen in neighboring minuscule towns 30 miles outside the limits; the county is dry.
I write a poem every now and then, but have very few who might relate to the freedom of expression I exercise. It's about being non-offensive, sweet, polite, hospitable, passive --- until someone gets in your face, and then you whip our your pseudo-whoochie mama white girl act, "uh excuse me MAYUM, i aint gonna comply with yer request, mKAY? " ..
I have lots of free time, and the gracious gods of economics are paying me to experience this setting, and possibly master interacting with others in it. I've got the beatles on my pc, I'll be more than fine.

Palestine

Thank you, Ariel Sharon
There is a link to a documentary about Palesine, walls, annexing, ethnic cleansing, environmental degradation, fear-mongering, zionism, dogma, violence, and the transformation of a peoples

hand in hand

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=G2unZIzIwp0

Halloween Crush

I officially have a new lesbian crush.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=taW6SMF8SnU
mmmmm......

I ... um .. . (?) Well,

Hey I am altered state purely to hormones. Here, internet: I started my period today, and maybe this is a factor. It is like, really focused when I choose to engage in something, but otherwise spacey as Allgetout. The clouds in this area of this planet were really good. A thought came to me yesterday, when the same clouds were above. The clouds are ribs and the wind within them intestines. Another one, from morning time, maybe more cliche or rhymey, something: the air smells like it brushed its teeth/ fragrant and damp/ bright white moon crest strips clear in muted blue solid hue of sky/ crickets chirp like bristles scrubbing to and fro.
I bought a new bag of apples today, and when I parted it with my apple corer, the insides were red. RED. apples aren't supposed to be this color. I've been staring resentfully at the plate throughout my strenuous night time endeavors, like stargate sg-1, and embroidery, and skyping, and ... maintaining homeostasis. If I had a really big following on this site (as of now I believe I have one dutiful reader), I would pose a poll. "Should I take the apples back?" I think they're dyed. This is the depth of a philosophical mind in the making. Hopefully there is something worthwhile to the receiver in this message. Well, enjoy your self sweet honey.

Grumble

I am taking a break from week-long statistics take-home test. I am reeling from the word puzzles I made up for myself so that I would stay awake in my three hour developmental psychology class (which began with a somber documentary on children of the holocaust). I am exhaling the french translations and stick figures I crammed into my memory at the last minute for my ballet test. And I am really glad my quiz over the cranial nerves, their functions, and their types was rescheduled to next Monday.

On another website, I posted about my experiences with being sexually harassed by black males and asked for spiritual advice, from a greater reality perspective. Along with many heartfelt, beautiful, and helpful responses, I received this:
"I don't know if you tried it before and this certainly can pass as a joke but I'm serious - have you tried dressing more like a nun? Obviously this is an exaggeration but the main point is maybe you can redesign your wardrobe/clothes. I watch many girls day to day wearing outfits that can literally pull you out of your comfort zone if you know what I mean. "

My four-year goal of being able to make all clothes that I wear is going quite smoothly. So far, I've learn to read (-esque) patterns, sew with a machine, make alterations, hem (super easy, but it still counts), embroider, and design my own clothes. I don't care at all about my potential career, and I debate internally about whether or not that is okay. Usually, I know it is. But this institution tells me otherwise, each day.
I watched the "Runaways" with Kristen Stuart and Dakota Fanning the other night with one of my dearest friends, who lives a couple states away. I enjoyed myself thoroughly, but I would never recommend the movie to anyone unless they were in nearly unconscious.
Statistics lures me back,
I must attend my responsibility!

I'm Back, Dieting No Longer the Focus

Here is a bit of zodiac for this week: "It is also a chance to witness just how deeply personal desire determines what’s seen and heard, especially these days when so many unconscious or semi-conscious predilections are being preyed upon. From a personal perspective, it’s akin to walking through a house of mirrors where the distorted reflections reveal just how deeply unresolved relationship issues (of every variety) actually affect reactions and decisions."
This applies completely to my life right now, with a particular relationship that has been weighing heavily on my being for a couple of years. I am in the process of formulating a cohesive address of the issues, which I will present to the person. It is always grueling to go sift through personal drama and make sense of your downfalls, to see all negative aspects and how they influence you . . . but the symbolic orgasm of growth is by far more rewarding than the illusion of discomfort. (I'm not actually this Zen, but these are my truths with or without emotion)
Zodiac continued: "Look at the situation objectively, and you’ll realize just how narrow your point of view has been. Yes, there are challenges, but all that’s needed to overcome the obstacles is an attitude adjustment."
In essence, I am brighter than the sun.